


moon under water

by occiso



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Character Study, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Love Confessions, Love at First Sight, M/M, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Second Year Kageyama Tobio, Second Year Tsukishima Kei, Self-Doubt, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:14:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26570497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/occiso/pseuds/occiso
Summary: He arrived just in time to see Kageyama doing a jump server. Kei’s eyes widened as he noticed this match would be more interesting than he originally thought. And as the game continued he discovered that he couldn’t take his eyes off Kageyama.『In which Tsukishima tries to confess his feelings but fails (or not)』
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Tsukishima Kei, Kageyama Tobio/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 2
Kudos: 93
Collections: Haikyuu Rarepair Exchange 2020





	moon under water

**Author's Note:**

> My entry for the hq rare pair exchange. This was written for Ella @edgyallanpoe on tumblr, I hope you like it and that I did this ship justice lol.  
> Also, I would like to thank Marge for being my beta and helping me with this fic. Really thank you so much for helping me!!  
> Oh and btw Tte title is from the song Moon Undah Water by Puma Blue.

Volleyball practice had already finished. Most of the team had already left the gym, as cleaning duty was assigned to the second years. That meant that Tsukishima Kei, along with Yamaguchi, Hinata and Kageyama were scattered along the gym doing various activities, like mopping or taking off the net and storing it away. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened while training. So it was an usual evening for Kei. 

Cleaning was almost done, when Yachi arrived at the gym alongside with the current captain of Karasuno, Enoshita. He told them to stay for a while longer because he needed to discuss something important with them.

Hinata and Kageyama thought that the captain would scold them for their usual antics, however, Kei could infer what their unusual meeting was about. It was almost half of the school year, and around this time the second years had to decide who would be the next captain and vice. 

The meeting didn’t last long, if it could even be considered that. Only a couple of minutes were necessary for Enoshita to tell them what Kei had already deduced. He explained to them that it would be best for them to run through the options and give a thought about who would fit those roles better. 

After that, all the second years were walking leisurely in an atypical silence. Most, if not all, of the times they walked from practice, the night would be filled with laughter and shouting, which usually would come from Hinata. But this night was different. Thankfully, Yachi broke the silence by asking the question everyone dreaded to ask.

“So… who do you all think should be captain?”

Kei saw from the corner of his eye that Kageyama shivered. Maybe it was because of the subtle breeze that made Kei nostalgic, or maybe it was because this topic was making Kageyama terribly uncomfortable. However, none of their teammates seemed to notice, because Hinata was already answering with a cheerful yet thorough voice.

“I think that Tadashi would be the most appropriate to be captain, don’t you agree?” 

Kei raised one eyebrow. He never thought that Hinata wouldn't jump and claim the position for himself, but then again, they weren’t immature teens anymore. All of them had grown, and even if Kei would never accept it out loud, he knew Hinata was the one that had matured the most. After all, he was the oldest of the bunch.

“Yes, I was also thinking the same. Yamaguchi is the most suitable person to take the role out of all us,” Kei said calmly backing up Hinata’s position, which made Hinata smile. Yachi also nodded, agreeing with both of the boys.

“Then it's decided! Tadashi, congrats for being the new captain!” Hinata laughed triumphantly, as he patted Yamaguchi’s back.

“Wait!” The latter managed to say, flustered by his teammates’ comments, “I don’t have a problem with being the captain, but don’t you think this needs to be a unanimous decision? I won’t accept this unless Kageyama also agrees,” the freckled boy said while looking at the setter. 

“Yeah… I also agree,” he said nonchalantly. However his voice sounded different than what Kei was used to, it wasn’t the typical sullen tone, or a nervous one. It was soft but full of an emotion Kei didn’t expect Kageyama to feel, especially in this specific setting. It was melancholy, a soft yet potent sadness that made the middle blocker frown. 

He didn’t pay much attention to it, though. As much as he wanted to, Kei wasn’t that close to Kageyama to ask him what was wrong, or why was he feeling that way. Besides, the setter already had Hinata, they had become inseparable ever since their first year. He would never say it out loud but Kei was jealous of the small ray of sunshine that lit up Kageyama’s life. Even if he longed for being more intimate with Kageyama, spending time with him besides practice and the now frequent study sessions they had was all he could do.

Kei was so lost in thought that he stopped listening to what the others were saying. So when Yachi asked him, with genuine curiosity and slight desperation, what were his thoughts on the current topic he just nodded awkwardly, muttering a quiet “Yeah, whatever,” in an attempt to conceal the fact that he didn’t pay attention to a, possibly, serious topic. 

However, that wasn’t the best thing he could have done, because as soon as he uttered those words chaos unleashed. 

Hinata was screaming a bunch of unrecognizable words in a high pitch voice, Yachi was also screaming alongside Hinata, a handful of tears rolling down her cheeks, however her joyful expression suggested that it was out of happiness and not sadness. Yamaguchi was slightly shaking Kageyama, mouth gaping like a fish, as if he wanted to say a lot of things but just couldn’t find the right words. Meanwhile Kageyama just looked confused and slightly flustered.

The chaos would’ve lasted longer if it wasn’t for coach Ukai coming out of the Sakanoshita Store, yelling at all of them to be quiet. That made everyone walk in silent shame for a couple of steps, making sure they were far enough from the store before continuing the conversation. 

Yamaguchi was the first one to break the silence, talking with a soft voice. Nonetheless, Kei could taste the teasing from miles away, flinching as soon as he heard the words coming out of his best friend's mouth.

“Wow Tsukki, I would have never thought you would agree with something Hinata had said twice in a day,” his smile was calm and collected, but his eyes shimmered with mischief. “Especially when it's related to Kageyama…” 

Kei started dumbfoundedly at his best friend, he wanted―no, needed―to know what he had even agreed to. 

“What are you talking about, Yamaguchi,” his voice was laced with annoyance.

Both Yamaguchi and Hinata laughed, while Kageyama stared at Kei, his blue eyes piercing into his soul. Those blue eyes had always made him nervous, mostly because he felt his heart racing every time he looked at them.

Kei thought that no one would answer, but Yachi talked in a soft yet teasing voice, “Tsukishima-kun agreed to make Kageyama the vice captain.” 

With that statement, both Yamaguchi and Hinata began laughing. And Kei knew that he was fucked. Even if he told them that he hadn’t been listening, his friends would still tease him for eternity. He had never wished more for a meteor to crash into earth than at that moment. Clearly that was the only logical solution to this problem. 

“Wait, for real, why did you agree?” Hinata asked, his voice still shaking with laughter. 

“Tsukki probably didn’t hear the question,” Yamaguchi said.

“But then who do you think should be vice?” Yachi questioned Kei, “you can retract yourself if you want.”

Kei stayed silent for a minute. Now that he thought about it Kageyama was the best option for vice. He would complement Yamaguchi capitancy very well with his knowledge of the sport and his more strict demeanor. In addition, Kageyama’s ability to read other players came in handy not only against another team, but to their own as well. Besides, he deserved it overall. Kageyama had the drive and the passion to motivate others to try their best. 

“Let Kageyama be vice. I don’t care either way,” Kei said without thinking twice.

▪ ▫ ▪ ▫ ▪

“I think I’m in love with Kageyama.”

Shouyou stared dumbfounded at Tsukishima, his eyes wide as plates and his mouth hanging low. Instantly, the latter made an expression full of discomfort and regret.

“You know what? Forget it,” Tsukishima said as he shoved his volleyball uniform into his bag without a care so that he could leave the club room as quickly as possible. However, Shouyou grabbed him by the wrist, making him turn around.

“Wait, don’t just drop that bomb and then leave!” Shouyou said, clearly still shocked. He never expected Tsukishima, I Don’t Know What Emotions Are, Kei to experience any kind of sentiment that wasn’t related to disgust or annoyance. Let alone feel love towards Kageyama, of all people. Even if the situation where Shouyou was placed was bizarre, he still got a soft warm feeling on his chest, that came as a result of Tsukishima trusting him with this kind of thing. Shouyou slowly let go of Tsukishima’s wrist, making sure he wouldn't try to run away like he had a couple of seconds ago. 

The air that surrounded them was tense. Shouyou could easily notice that Tsukishima was nervous by the way he fidgeted with his fingers, twisting them and pulling them in a slow rhythm. It was a bad habit Tsukishima did whenever he needed to keep himself grounded, Shouyou knew.

“Okay, first of all, thanks for telling me,” Shouyou stated, his voice deep and serious, making Tsukishima jolt in surprise. 

“That’s creepy, stop talking like that,” Tsukishima said. If Shouyou hadn't known his teammate for more that a year, he would have probably thought that Tsukishima was trying to be rude, but thankfully he knew now that Tsukishima had a strange way of expressing his feelings. It didn’t bother Shouyou, though. That was just who Tsukki was. 

But that didn’t mean he couldn't tease Tsukishima for his blunt way of speaking.

“If you continue to be a meany, I won’t help you with your love life, Stupidshima,” Shouyou said as he stuck his tongue out, which made Tsukishima chuckle. The atmosphere was no longer tense, it felt natural to go back and forth with Tsukishima. The teasing and the mean comments Tsukishima said to Shouyou no longer had any malice or bad intent, they were just an awkward habit he had. It was an outspoken rule Tsukishima had with anyone that was close to him, Yamaguchi knew it, Kuroo also knew it, and probably his big brother, too, Shouyou thought as they got out of the cramped club room, and began walking towards the school gate. 

However, Kageyama probably had no idea about this. And he wasn’t going to know unless Tsukishima, or someone else told him. 

Shouyou sighed and stared at Tsukishima, “you know, Kageyama is very dense. He won’t understand your snarky comments like I do.”

Tsukishima looked at him with narrowed eyes and a smirk, “you make it sound as if you are smarter than the King, don’t flatter yourself.” 

Shouyou elbowed him on his side, “see? This is what I mean.” 

They arrived at the bike rack, and when he had the bicycle by his side, he continued talking, “I understand that the nasty things you say don’t carry any meaning, but Kageyama doesn’t.” They walked slowly through the dark streets, the only lights that illuminated their path were the dim lamp posts and the gibbous moon. 

“Then what am I supposed to do?” 

Shouyou never heard Tsukishima sound so melancholic. It felt as if Tsukishima had already resigned himself. As if he thought that he didn’t have an opportunity with Kageyama.

“Well, it’s easy!” Shouyou smiled at Tsukishima, “just tell him what you feel, be honest!” 

Kei raised his eyebrows, shocked at the solution that Hinata presented to him. It was so simple, the way that Hinata had said it made it feel like it was the easiest thing in the world. It almost felt like mockery in a way. How could Kei have never thought of that before?

He smiled. 

“Okay, I’ll try.”

▪ ▫ ▪ ▫ ▪

Karasuno managed to win, for the second year in a row, the Miyagi Prefectural Qualifiers, which means that they would be able to go to the Spring Interhigh Tournament. They were going to nationals.

All of the team had been working very hard to get where they were now, being practically considered a powerhouse of Miyagi. Because of that, the third years had decided to do a party to celebrate their achievements of the year, since it was necessary to take a break from all the training they had, and clear their mind of volleyball once in a while. 

That was why Kei was currently sitting in Tanaka's living room, along with the rest of the team. He didn’t want to come, since he was 100% sure the evening was going to be filled with yelling that would give him a headache. However he didn’t have much of a choice. Yamaguchi had arrived at Kei’s house without telling him previously, which wasn’t something strange, they had been best friends for years, so for him to come uninvited was something surprisingly common. 

Yet, what was strange was the clothes Yamaguchi was wearing. Usually, he would be wearing joggers and a hoodie, something comfortable. But now he was standing in front of Kei’s bedroom, wearing dark blue jeans and a striped black and white sweater, which in and out of itself wasn’t out of the ordinary. However, he also had a navy blazer that gave away the reason for Yamaguchi's visit. He looked like the definition of smart casual, and Tsukishima hated it.

It was obvious that Yamaguchi was going to force him to go to the party. He groaned when Yamaguchi started to lecture him about how he had to be more social, or whatever. Kei decided to ignore him, because he knew that, no matter what excuse he could come up with, he would not make his ―allegedly― best friend back off from his mission. 

So he got up from his bed and grabbed some black pants, a white sweater and a caramel overcoat from his closet. It was a surprisingly good outfit, taking into consideration that he didn’t think at all of what to wear, grabbing mindlessly whatever he first found. When he finished changing, they left the house and walked to Tanaka’s house, since it wasn’t that far from where both of them lived.

When they arrived, they were greeted by Tanaka, who told them to leave their jackets in the coat rack if they wanted to, and to take off their shoes and leave them on the _genkan_. Most of the team was already in the living room, chatting and eating snacks that were on the table. But, neither Hinata nor Kageyama were there. 

Kei thought that Hinata would be the first to arrive, since he was one of the most excited people, beside Nishinoya, when Tanaka and Enoshita told them about the small gathering. The absence of Kageyama wasn’t surprising. Kei knew that Kageyama wasn’t the kind of person to enjoy gatherings of groups of people, unless it was related to volleyball. So yes, it wasn't surprising, yet it was disappointing. He wanted to, at least, not be the only one that wanted to leave as soon as possible.

The evening went on, and Kei wondered when would be a good time to leave. The sun was still offering the world its last minutes of light, and the party wasn’t over. He deduced that when night arrived, he would depart from Tanaka’s house, even if Yamaguchi scolded him. Yet, his master plan came crumbling down as soon as he heard the front door open, along with voices he would recognize a mile away. And before he could react, two people got into the living room where the rest of the team was. 

Hinata walked in, energetic as always, and he looked as if he thought the reunion was just more training because he wore joggers and a plain t-shirt with the name of a band Kei didn’t recognize. Kei wouldn't be surprised if this “party” or whatever turned into volleyball practice in the end. He prayed to all the gods that _that_ wasn’t the case.

He realized that he was staring at Hinata when their eyes met, which made Hinata smile, but it quickly turned into a knowing smirk. Kei didn’t have time to question why because Kageyama stepped in the room looking mildly flustered and excused himself for being late. He was explaining why both he and Hinata arrived late―something about getting lost, and getting distracted buying meat buns for everyone―but Kei didn’t pay attention, as he was trying and failing to calm down. 

The reason for his distress was simple. Kageyama looked too good. He had a pair of black ripped jeans with a dark red hoodie and a leather jacket. Safe to say, it wasn’t an extraordinary outfit, but it was enough to make Kei cover his face discreetly to hide the blush he was sure was surfacing on his cheeks. After more than a year of only seeing Kageyama dressed in his school uniform and workout clothes, Kei grew used to seeing Kageyama looking like he put zero effort into how he looked. But now, he realized that Kageyama could be even more attractive than he originally thought.

His train of thought was interrupted by Hinata, who decided to sit next to him, with his previous smirk still showing. He leaned in and whispered into Kei’s ear, “you have to talk tonight with Kageyama.” 

Those words made Kei shiver. He wasn’t ready to confess so soon. He was still processing the conversation he had had with Hinata a couple of weeks ago, and he couldn’t let himself be more honest to Kageyama. Whenever he tried to say something nice, harsh and sarcastic words came from his mouth. It was something he needed to fix, but it was hard. 

He told Hinata that he wasn’t ready to fully confess to the setter that was currently taking to the other members of the team. It looked like he was having fun, a shy smile was daring to appear on his usual serious face. It was nice seeing Kageyama relaxed in this type of environment, where he could be himself without him repressing how he acted. 

Kei continued to talk to Hinata about everything and nothing while still watching Kageyama from the corner of his eye. And he thought that maybe the night wouldn't be so bad as he dreaded. Everyone was having fun, listening to the loud music that he would typically hate but was enjoying now taking into account the context of where he was and the people he was with. 

However that pleasant environment fell apart when Kageyama got up from his seat and announced with a heavy voice he was leaving. 

Kei didn’t know how to react, he just stared at Hinata, trying to figure out why Kageyama was leaving like that out of nowhere. Hinata frowned and Kei knew he had to go where Kageyama was and try to get him to stay, or else his heart wouldn't let him be at peace. He stood up and quickly made a beeline out of the living room and to the front door, where the _genkan_ was. Thankfully he caught Kageyama when he was leaving. On impulse, Kei grabbed Kageyama’s wrist in an attempt to make him stay. 

His grip stayed firmly on the setter’s wrist when Kei spoke, “why are you leaving so soon. Did something bruise your ego that much, King?” Kei internally flinched at the tone of his words. That was definitely the worst thing he could have said, because Kageyama’s gaze was drilling holes into Kei’s heart. The latter was doing his best to contain his tears from falling down his pale cheeks. Kei cursed internally as he slowly let go of Kageyama’s wrist. 

The pressure in Kei’s chest was making it hard to breathe, and the lack of oxygen was making him dizzy. Or maybe it was because he didn’t know how to deal with this kind of situation. He prided himself on being intelligent and logical, everyone knew he was smarter than average, however, all of that was useless, because he couldn't find a solution to the mess he put himself into.

Kei cleared his throat and swallowed in an attempt to make himself talk. He opened his mouth to say something―anything―that would at least delay Kageyama into leaving, but he was interrupted by Kageyama. 

“It’s none of your business.” Kageyama’s voice sounded so wrong, it was shaky and full of sorrow. Kei could practically feel Kageyama’s pain, he could almost cry, but he pushed his tears off his eyes.

“Just… tell me what happened. It looked like you were having fun a while ago,” Kei paused thinking of the situation. Then he continued, “nevermind, you don’t have to tell me, I know you don’t trust me and I don’t blame you for that. I can call Hinata, or whoever, just don’t keep it to yourself,” he murmured while fidgeting with his fingers. Even if Kei desperately wanted to know what made Kageyama so distressed, he understood that he wasn’t the best at comforting other people. 

“Nothing happened, a first-year said something and it surprised me. That’s all.” 

Kei frowned. He honestly didn’t expect Kageyama to say anything, he didn’t even know why he hadn’t left yet, and he wasn’t complaining, but that statement wasn’t helpful to understand what had happened. He was about to ask what the first-year had said when Kageyama spoke again.

“Why did you agree that I should be vice captain?” The question shook up Kei as it came out of nowhere, and he would have accused Kageyama of wanting to change the topic if it wasn’t for the serious, yet desperate expression he had on his face. 

Kei sighed, “look, I wasn't paying attention to the conversation. I just agreed to it without knowing what the question was.” 

“I know, but you didn’t take it back. You had the opportunity to do so, so why didn’t you?” Kageyama’s voice was firm, making Kei shiver slightly from the coldness of his words. 

This whole conversation was weird in Kei’s eyes, it was true that it was basically his fault, but that didn’t change the fact that he was uncomfortable. He had no idea what to say to Kageyama, because he didn’t know what the appropriate answer would be. Kei could read Kageyama from time to time, since, in his own way, he was very expressive. But in this case, he didn’t know what Kageyama was feeling. And the fact that Kei could not figure out what was going on Kageyama’s head was making him uneasy. 

“Why do you even care? You are now vice. Doesn’t that make you happy?” Kei snapped, in an attempt to cut the conversation, however his voice cracked at the end. He internally winced at the sound, cringing at how vulnerable it made him sound. 

However, Kageyama didn’t notice ―or maybe he decided to ignore it― because he spoke again, “It doesn’t if you just did it to indulge in what I wanted.”

Kei chuckled, “don’t flatter yourself, I would never do that. I’m smarter than that.”

“Then tell me your reasoning. Why do you think I should be vice?” Kageyama wasn’t just asking him, the need to know from Kageyama was clear in Kei’s eyes. 

“Process of elimination. You are the best out of Hinata and me, it wasn’t difficult to come to that conclusion.” Kei knew that was an easy way out, a half truth, and a coward's move. But it was better than confessing to Kageyama that he genuinely thought that he would help Yamaguchi lead the team to victory.

Kageyama inhaled sharply, as if the words Kei spoke physically hurt him. “But that’s not true,” he said.

“What do you mean?” Kei asked, confused.

“I’m not the best option. I was vice captain in middle school and you already know how that ended.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Kei asked.

“I don’t want to mess up again.” Those words hit Kei like a thousand bricks. 

Kageyama always seemed in Kei’s eyes like a strong confident person. In fact, in Kei’s opinion it was borderline egocentric. Yet, in front of him was Kageyama, eyes glossy and hands slightly shaking. He didn’t understand why Kageyama felt the way he did when he was a prodigy in volleyball. He had what it took to make it far in life. Kei thought that Kageyama already knew that, and that was why he was so demanding on the court, but maybe that wasn’t the case.

“You said it yourself in our first year, that volleyball isn’t everything. I know that I'm good at it, but I might not be a good leader. Maybe I’ll let the position or the pressure get into my head and I’ll mess up again.” With shaking hands Kageyama wiped his hand across his eyes to brush off the little tears that were daring to fall. The sight made Kei want to punch whoever made Kageyama feel like that, even if the answer was probably him.

“Does it even matter if you mess up?” Kageyama turned his head to look directly at Kei, his eyes were wide and Kei feared that he had again said something inappropriate. But he was reassured when Kageyama let off a small sigh, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly. That gave Kei courage to continue. 

“It’s true that in middle school you messed up, but you have changed. I know I call you King a lot, but you are not the same ruthless dictator as you were once before.” Kei felt his shoulders relax, the pressure on his chest was replaced with a warm feeling that made him forget about his previous worries. “You are still strict and demanding, but everyone can tell that you want to get better and that motivates the people around you. It doesn’t take a lot of brain power to realize that you aren’t a bad person.”

Kageyama leaned on the front door and looked at Kei as if he was examining him, searching for something that would prove that Kei wasn’t being serious, as if Kei would laugh and state what he had previously said was a joke. The thought of that angered Kei, so he decided to push more.

“Look if you don’t want to believe me that’s fine. Even if you are awkward, or tactless, or anything else, it wouldn’t matter―” Kei felt his cheeks get warmer and his voice was rising slightly, but he did not notice. He continued talking, words freely flowing from his mouth without a thought. “―because those things make you who you are. They make you unique and interesting.

“Why bother changing that. You are already amazing and talented at what you do, and you are an incredible person so, why change? Besides, if you do mess up, you have other people that will tell you because they love you.” 

Kageyama looked at Kei. His eyes widened, as if the meaning of the universe was revealed in front of his eyes. Then he carefully asked, “Why do you even like me? I thought you hated me.”

The world was silent except for Kei’s rising heartbeat. He did not know how to react to that question. He stared at Kageyama, dazed, unable to think clearly. He wanted to speak but no words came out. The only rational thought he had was _how?_ How did Kageyama arrive at _that_ of all things?

“I… I never said that.” Kei said, looking away.

“You didn’t have to.” A beat passed. “So, why do you like me?” 

Kei asked himself the same question. It wasn't like he had planned on falling for Kageyama, it just had happened. 

During Junior High he got into the habit of going to watch volleyball matches either with Yamaguchi or just by himself. He didn’t have a reason to go, but old habits die hard. One time he decided to go to a match alone because Yamaguchi was busy. One of the teams that was going to play was Kitagawa Daiichi Junior High, a team widely regarded as a powerhouse in the prefecture, so obviously he had to watch them.

He arrived just in time to see Kageyama doing a jump server. Kei’s eyes widened as he noticed this match would be more interesting than he originally thought. And as the game continued he discovered that he couldn’t take his eyes off Kageyama. The boy was a prodigy, not only with his sets but with everything he did. His receives were consistent, he could spike in a powerful yet precise way, and his serves were amazing. They weren’t perfect yet, but it was impressive taking into consideration that a fourteen year old was doing that.

Kei felt his heart thumping on his chest, his cheeks growing hotter and butterflies fluttering on his stomach. That boy, Kageyama Tobio, was a genius. He rarely got excited while watching volleyball anymore, but watching Kageyama was making him not miss a single movement he did. It was otherworldly getting the chance to see first hand the beauty of Kageyama’s volleyball, the way he put his all in each play he did. It was meticulous. Aggressive, yet delicate. Watching him made Kei remember why he loved volleyball in the first place. 

However, his joy was crushed as the game progressed. Cracks began appearing on Kageyama’s performance. It was a slow build up, and Kei didn’t realize it until it was too late. The sets were too fast and impossible to hit, and his temper was getting shorter as the spikers failed to hit the ball. Eventually Kageyama was benched out.

It was shocking, extremely so. It was also ironic, and the situation made Kei want to laugh, because how cruel it was to be given hope and joy, just for them to be taken away completely minutes later, leaving him in a lower place than he already was. It wasn’t as painful as what had happened with Akiteru, but it still hurt. Kei took a last glance at Kageyama, who was sitting on the bench, his face covered by a sports towel, but it didn’t hide the fact that he was clearly crying. Kei did not feel sympathy nor pity, but he still had a turmoil of emotions.

He left quickly, without turning on his back, naively believing that if he didn’t look back his emotions would disappear. It was love at first sight, and he couldn't help it, even after he saw the ulgy parts of Kageyama, even after he decided to hate him, and make him know how terrible his personality was, Kei still continued to feel the same way whenever he saw the setter play. Especially now that Kageyama was enjoying himself, no longer living in a past full of regrets. Not only did it remind him about how fun volleyball was, but he also felt an intense admiration that was directed towards Kageyama.

His feelings only grew stronger as they got to spend more time together, doing other things that were not related to the sport. He got to see a new side of Kageyama, one that made him fall in love even more. And now, being confronted by the setter that made his heart jump, made him tense with worry of what would happen if he just said the truth.

Kei could not possibly admit that he was in love with the boy that asked help for studying, that tried and failed to conceal a smile when the new first years complimented his serves, and cried when they lost a game that was important, letting himself be vulnerable in the eyes of his teammates. The one whose eyes lit up with joy when he was playing volleyball. The one that made Kei breathless on the rare times he got to see him smile for real.

“Don’t get me wrong, I still hate you,” Kei said with a serious voice, avoiding to look directly at Kageyama, because if he did, he was sure he would be lost in his deep blue eyes. “I hate that even after everything we as a team have been through, you still act as the King of the Court,” Kei clenched his fists, trying to not let his emotions get the best of him. “I hate how you are so annoying with Hinata, and how you are angry all the time. How you refuse to study and come to me demanding I help with the things you don’t understand.” Kei took a deep breath and slowly exhaled it, in an attempt to regain calm.

Kageyama stared at him. Kei could not figure out what he was thinking, apart from his usual frown, Kageyama’s face showed no emotion. Yet his eyes shined with an unexpected determination.

“But you don’t really feel that way―” Kageyama looked away, looking somehow defeated and sad “―why can’t you be honest with me?” 

Kei felt as if those words slapped him in the face, as if he hadn't confessed his feeling a while ago. Yeah, it hadn’t been a good confession, and it was probably very vague, but it still hurt. But he knew deep down that Kageyama was right. Kei, ever since day one, had masked his feelings towards Kageyama with harsh words and rude comments. He never questioned it, even when Yamaguchi told him it wasn’t the most healthy thing to do. Hell, Hinata even encouraged it. Yet, now he realizes those things were an unhealthy coping mechanism, one that was meant to keep away the people he cares about the most. 

“If you want me to be honest with you I can try. I don’t promise much, since… People can’t change overnight, let alone in a few seconds,” Kei felt his cheeks get hotter and his mouth get dry. This was more difficult than he thought.

“I already kinda told you before but,” Kei said as he looked away, avoiding Kageyama’s piercing gasse, “I love you.”

Kageyama chuckled, “I already know that, idiot.”

Kei wanted to defend himself at the insult, however he didn’t. He closed his eyes and felt his chest getting warm. It was a pleasant emotion that made him feel safe. The corners of his mouth turned upwards, and before he could stop himself, he let out a breathless laugh. Kei then opened his eyes, only to be met with Kageyama’s blue ones. They reflected the little light that managed to come out of the living room. Kei could easily get lost in them, like a castaway sailor that was drowning in the deep blue sea. 

He would’ve spent an eternity looking at Kageyama, however the latter snapped him out of his trance by clearing his throat, “I’m still going to leave,” his tone of voice wasn’t harsh, it was soft and soothing. He then proceeded to open the front door and when his body was fully outside the house he turned to look at Kei and spoke again, “are you going to stand there, or are you coming with me?”

Kei chucked, grabbing his overcoat from the coat rack and walked to where Kageyama was, closing the door without looking back once.

**Author's Note:**

> can yall believe that i wrote a 5k fic of a ship that i don't ship?? yea me neither lol :p


End file.
